The Leadership Coaching Blog

Have you ever wondered why ‘success’ isn’t natural for most of us; why ‘failing’, ‘trying’ or ‘procrastinating’ is the norm?  Why only 3% of the world’s population own 97% of the world’s wealth? (By the way, I include myself in the other 97% here, although I’m in the process of changing that!)

The biggest difference is that the 3% make a habit of doing the things they don’t like to do.

Now nobody enjoys doing the things they don’t want to do, so why do the 3% take action?  They take action because they don’t focus on the process, which may be difficult and unpleasant and will often lead to procrastination.

What they focus on is the result, how they will benefit from taking the action.

This simple shift in focus turns the average into the extraordinary.

So what’s one thing that you don’t want to do today, but if you did would move you forward in your life, your leadership role or your business?

If you focus on doing at least one thing a day that you don’t want to do but know in your heart that you really must do to succeed, then you’ll be developing a wonderful ‘success’ habit.

I heard recently that if you have a pet fish that’s sick you treat the water not the fish….

What’s that got to do with me and my environment you might ask?  Well, maybe a lot.

Your success depends to a significant degree on your environment, so in that respect you’re just like the fish!  Therefore it’s extremely important that you create a supportive environment for yourself.

You’ll notice I said that you “create” it for yourself, rather than it just automatically “being there.”  Because we might be doing a lot of the right things, but still not be succeeding, as a result of the environment we’re
operating in.

You need to pay attention to your environment now and check out whether it’s supporting you or hindering you.  By environment I mean your physical, emotional and your intellectual environment.

• Is your work place, your office or your home somewhere you love to be?  If not what can you do about
  it?
• Do you have supportive family, friends and work colleagues?  If not what do you need?  Start asking for it!
• Are you feeding your brain protein every day, or just sweets or candy?  Are you being stimulated or
  are you stuck in your comfort zone?  What can you learn, think about or plan today that will stimulate your brain?

Remember, you need to create an environment that supports you; an environment that supports you at the level you want to be, rather than at the level you are now!

One of the things I try to do in my Coaching Programmes is to get you to explore the idea of success.

What does it mean to you?  Not what you think it means, or what society generally holds up as its idea of success.  Not even what your peers, your friends or partner think of success!  But rather what success looks like, feels like, and sounds like to you.

Until you’ve really considered this in terms of what would make you happiest and feel most fulfilled in life, you’ll always be striving for someone else’s version of success…

Consider this - who was more successful?   

Mother Theresa, who had very few worldly possessions? or, Bill Gates, the multi billionaire?

Viewed in the sense of success being the realisation of your personal goals (based on your knowledge or feelings of what would make you feel most successful) then quite obviously, both are successful.

But viewed from the current norm of success meaning lots of money, and the visible signs of your wealth, then you would arrive at a completely different conclusion.

Remember, it’s your life, and only you can determine and then reach for success on your own terms.

Good Luck!

How do you stop your inner critic - the voice in your head that seems to highlight negative, limiting thoughts?

I’ve been working at home and struggling with mine all morning! 

• “If I was more organised and focused I’d have had this done by now”
• “How can I be thinking about work when my daughter’s poorly”
• “The house is a mess and I need some shopping - I’m never going to get all this done today!”

The crazy thing is I’m aware of the voice and I know that actually, in its own way, it’s trying to help, but it’s just making me feel worse.  I coach and train this stuff but I’ve not been doing anything about it; I’ve been listening to it and believing it!

The first step to doing something about it is becoming aware of when its happening, the second step is to acknowledge the thought and challenge it - choose to ask questions about whether this is helping or hurting you, and the third is to replace the thoughts with more positive and affirming ones - the process of changing your inner critic into your ’success thinking’ inner coach!

So here goes, time to practise what I preach……………

I’m acutely aware of my inner critic at present so the next stage is to acknowledge and challenge it:

Thanks for caring, but what are you afraid of?  “I’m afraid you’re going to make yourself ill with trying to do too much today.” 

So what do you want me to do?  “I want you to check on your daughter, then think about and write down some realistic goals for today.” 

How will this help me?  “It will stop you putting too much pressure on yourself and remind you that you are only human and you’re doing the best you can.  It will also allow you to actually get some things done!”

Well I feel better already - I’m relieved that I can let myself off the hook a little as regards work and the house, and concentrate on looking after my daughter and completing some essential tasks.  I’m off to check on her and write my list.

• Are you aware of your inner critic?
• What is it trying to tell you?
• How can you turn it into your inner coach?

If you go through the process of acknowledgement, then ask questions about the fear, what it wants you to do and how this will serve you - you’ll be transforming that critic into your own personal coach. 

If you’re willing to share, I’d love to hear what your inner critic says to you on a regular basis.  Alternatively, you could try the exercise above and let me know how you got on……

If you’re like the majority of people, then you probably don’t like making mistakes. But, unless you’re prepared to make them, and make them more often, then you probably won’t succeed; at least not in the way
you really want to!

Most of us need to change the way we think about mistakes. It’s our dislike of them, our embarrassment of making them, feeling like we’re letting ourselves and others down, that’s what makes us scared of making them, and scared of failing.

We need to accept that nobody succeeds at everything immediately; that sometimes we win and sometimes we
fail; that failing’s okay if we learn from it for next time. That actually trying and failing at something new or different might very well be the best way for us to learn. It will certainly be better than not having tried in the first place, because it takes us somewhere new.

So if, like the greatest inventors and most successful business people of our time, we can view making mistakes as a process of ‘trial, error and learning,’ then we’re much more likely to take huge strides forward
and really accept that “the more we fail, the more we succeed!”  Understanding and accepting this as a leader or manager can be truly liberating!

Obviously there will be times when the potential risks of failing will be too big to try; however, there’ll be plenty of other times when the potential benefits will be well worth the risk - even the benefits of learning from your mistakes!

Once you become more accustomed to viewing mistakes differently, then you can help your staff do the same and engender an action oriented culture that values learning.  “Fail fast, learn and move on” can be your new motto!

Circumstances are not negative or positive, they are neutral. It is our thinking, our mental state, our perspective, that makes a circumstance positive or negative.

This can be one of the most difficult lessons for us to accept and understand, as we often blame our circumstances for the position we’re in, for the way we feel, or for doing or not doing something.

The next time you catch yourself blaming your circumstances for something, try to remember this quote by James Allen in “Byways of Blessedness”…..

“Your difficulty is not contained, primarily, in the situation which gave rise to it, but in the mental state with which you regard that situation and which you bring to bear upon it.”

Do you find yourself wishing for things and blaming your circumstances when they don’t happen?

Are you good at starting things but not seeing them through?

Are you constantly looking outside yourself for the answers?

If so, then you’re concentrating on only one part of the universal law – the effect (the world outside.)

When you concentrate on the cause (the world within) then things can start to change.

If you go to work on yourself as a business or team leader – on your thoughts, beliefs, attitudes and habits, you will become aware of how you’re affecting the outcome. 

Once you realise this you can change your thoughts and change your habits to create the future you want.

Be the best leader you can be!

The next time you catch yourself whinging, whining or complaining, remember you’re not in charge of your life when you do this, you’re relinquishing responsibility and control; you’re allowing yourself to be a victim. 

Take charge and take responsibility for the things in your life and your work that you don’t like or that are no longer working.

Remember that you influence what happens to you and how you view it, so start looking inside yourself for answers instead of blaming others and your circumstances; and start taking actions that’ll get you the circumstances you want!

There are some tell tale signs  that you need help.  You can try to adapt your behaviour yourself, seek help from your staff or colleagues, ask HR or your manager for support and development, hire a coach, or enrol on one of my Leadership programmes. 

1.    No one can get a date in your diary for months

2.    You cannot remember the last time you met a customer

3.    You don’t understand half the jargon in the management report

4.    All your goals are short term

5.    You over manage your staff

6.    You have stopped speaking out at meetings

7.    You feel liable to be challenged by anyone about anything at any time

8.    You feel overwhelmed with information

9.    Everyone can always predict how you will react

10. You cannot delegate and have no successor identified